Friday, June 14, 2013

Singleness: Getting Personal Up in Here

The fun things about this outfit:
1. Shirt - Hand-Me-Down
2. Skirt- Thrifted
3. Necklace - Thrifted
4. Belt - Thrifted

Brace yourselves, folks. I'm about to get right down to it and dive into 
something real personal...feelings & stuff ya know?

Topic at hand:
"AAAWWW I'm Single"

So I may or may not have mentioned this giant fact before. 

But if you didn't know... Now you do. I'm single. 

The Back Story. Here's the thing. I have a huge desire to be married. I didn't always. In high school I thought it was silly that girls looked through wedding magz and knew what all the cuts of a diamond were called. What on earth were they doing with their lives? They were teenagers for goodness sake. But when my high school boyfriend and I kept dating on & off through college, I started to think it wasn't so far fetched to stay with someone forever. At that time I was not a follower of Jesus (If you read my blog on the regular, you know that now I do follow Jesus). We even started to talk about marriage. Although sometime along the way I realized that I was talking... He was just blank staring at me. Around the time of that realization, I started to pursue truth. I knew something was missing in my life, that up until then, I'd been trying to find in this relationship. In June 2009, for the first time out of 7 total break ups, I broke it off with Mr. Not-right-for-me. (Please know I'm not dissing this guy.) Two days later I headed off to a month of volunteering as a housekeeper at a camp 3 hrs away from all that I knew with no ties to the outside world... GULP... During that month away though, I found the truth I'd been searching for. I met my rock and asked Jesus to take over, because clearly I was failing at doing life.

I headed home, found a job where I didn't have to work Sundays, and plugged myself right into a church to make sure I had help learning what I had made a commitment to. And I never left. My church is packed with some of the most compassionate people I've ever met. And quite honestly, they're real. No one is walking around pretending they've got life figured out. We're just people, looking to Christ to guide us as life quickly comes at us. 

Here's the thing. I never stopped wanting to be married. My lovely church is filled with families. In fact, I think the number of kiddos will soon outnumber the adults. There's a running joke that **It's in the water** 

You know what isn't in the water... anywhere?

Singleness is such a loaded word. It comes packed full of assumptions, feelings, and responsibilities. When I'm reminded that I'm single, I'm reminded that I go home alone at night. I'm reminded that my heart sometimes aches to know the one who God has planned for me or aches to think it may not be in His plans at all. I'm reminded that I sometimes I have way to much time on my hands. I'm reminded that I don't have someone consistently checking in on me...(besides you mom. I know you're always checking in on me) I'm reminded of my nervous energy when I wonder if God somehow forgot about me. I'm reminded, that hardly anyone else is reminded. I'm reminded that people assume I must be dating someone when I'm really not. I'm reminded that since June 2009 I have not been asked on a single date. I'm reminded that most don't think their single jokes are at the expense of my heart. 

I told you it was a loaded word.

Don't get the wrong idea here. In all of those reminders, I'm also reminded that I am loved by the one who created me. And I'm reminded that His plans are perfect. I am treasuring my singleness and trying to make the most of my time because if the desires of my heart do come true, my time will no longer be only at the disposal of my own whims and plans. I understand that it is a gift to pursue things without attachments. I can fully serve Christ in ways that may not be realistic to a married woman or a momma. I can seriously meet you for coffee at a moments notice. I can spend a lot of time with high school girls (who are amazing). I'm not trying to wallow in self grief or pity parties. But there is a reality of hurt that exists without falling into the category of woh-is-me type attitudes. 

So for now I'm Single. I know that God will give me what I can handle. And apparently right now He knows that I can handle singleness. So I'll continue pouring time into young ladies at the high school. I'll continue (to try) to develop my talents and skills. And I will refuse to feel like I'm in limbo until Mr. Man-of-God arrives on his injured donkey and in his rusty armor after the battle he himself has been through before meeting me. I will live for Christ while I wait on Him.

Here are a few things I know: 
God is good. 
He loves me. 
I am a daughter of the King of kings. 

When I am discouraged or lonely (and let's be honest single ladies, it happens)
I will look to Jesus and have confidence that He knows what He is doing.

I hope my bla bla bla about this was more of a glance into who I am than some sort deterrent.

And...Now you know.

1 Corinthians 7:34a
And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit.


  1. Wow, thanks for being so open and personal, this can help many young ladies. I remember these feelings especially when everyone around me had boyfriends, but I'm glad I waited on God for the right one. It's better wait for the right one than to have all this baggage when God does send him. Do exactly what you're doing now, serve God wholeheartedly and when you least expect it God will send Him. That's how it happened for me, I'm a hopeless romantic, I jus love the idea of love and sometimes I felt like it would never happen, but God is faithful!

    1. And cute outfit of course, love it!

    2. True Chantal. The waiting game is hard, but worth it.

  2. As a fellow single gal, I understand and completely agree with what you said! Singleness is something near and dear to my heart and it's something that I struggle with constantly. I have my seasons where I value my singleness and then the seasons when I wonder if it will ever come to an end (sometimes these seasons last a matter of weeks, others only for a few moments!). So I definitely agree, singleness is a loaded word--I never thought of it as such until I read this post so thank you! :)

    But, like you said, singleness isn't really singleness when we have Christ. It's funny that in this time of singleness, I've found that I'm not alone in this. I not only have amazing blog friends who I've bonded with over my own singleness posts, but I get the privilege of being able to relate to other bloggers like you. Oh, and did I mention that I get to know Him better, too? :) Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I completely understand (I've never EVER been on a date before) and that I loved this post, too.

    p.s. I am in LOVE with your outfits. They're so pretty and so are you!

    1. Hey Kiki, Thanks for sharing some love. I actually replied to you via email :)

  3. I am so glad you shared this, Naomi! I re-dedicated my life to Christ at a camp that I worked at during college where I had literally no contact with the outside world. Funny how it's easy to focus on the right things when you're not distracted by all the "fluff" of the world.

    I hate that singleness is such a loaded word. My bestie is single and she says it is really hard when people almost feel sorry for her because of it, when really she is living a great life, trusting in God's timing. It is SO much better to be single and wait on God's faithfulness than to be with someone who isn't the one God has for you!

    Anyway, I think your great and I love the outfit!

    1. Ashley, I love that we met Christ in similar ways. It is amazing what happens when we clear out lifes destractions.

  4. Awesome words, Naomi! Thanks for sharing;)

  5. Awesome words, Naomi! Thanks for sharing;)

  6. Thanks for sharing your story! I wish I could say I know how you feel but I've been with my now husband since I was 16. (don't hate me!) So I have very little experience with being single. On the other hand, my sister (who helps me with the blog), is 25 and has never had a boyfriend....(hope she doesn't mind me talking about her! :-) ) But she is an amazing women with a heart for God and amazing catch for any guy! (And it sounds like you are too!) And it makes me frustrated because I don't understand why God hasn't put a guy in her life yet because, well....she deserves it! But it's true that her singleness allows her to be able to relate to people (in ways that I can't) and have more time for them. Anyway, it sounds like you have the right attitude about it. Keep trusting God!

  7. I love your truthfulness on this subject. I'm still young (at 19) but singleness is something that gets to every girl out there. Especially when you're surrounded by friends who are in relationships. I always joke about being forever single and one of my good friends gave me some of the best advice about this. She said that if you have a true desire to be in a relationship (especially a Godly one) God will fulfill that desire. But the hardest part is His timing verses ours. Thanks for sharing! And you look great in your photos :)

    1. Sometimes I joke that my future husband is somewhere downtown in a coffee shop strumming a guitar and hasn't realized he needs a real job yet.

  8. Thank you for sharing this- it's a refreshing perspective to see on a blog (why are so many bloggers married/engaged/in a serious relationship, but not me?). I really needed to hear that God gives us what we can handle, and right now, that is singleness. It's a hard pill to swallow, but makes me feel better, like maybe he sees something in us that so many other women don't have. For the record, I had never been on a date until age 28, and I am now 30, so it's been rough. Thank you for sharing.

  9. "You know what isn't in the water: Singleness." - LOVE THAT. So true. I actually live in a city wehre it IS in the water, but for all the wrong reasons. I live in New York where it's all about ME ME ME and MY career, and as someone who is pretty much the opposite of that, it makes it REALLY hard to find others who are also marriage-minded at my age (27)... except of course, the majority of my friends who are already MARRIED (because you know, I hang out with marriage-minded folks... just none of them are single men). I haven't had a boyfriend ever, and I've been on a grand total of 3 dates ever: my jr. prom, one date witha guy in college who ALMOST became my boyfriend, and last year I wanted so badly to feel desired for just one evening that i started falling into a trap where I ended up going on a date (among other things) witha guy who wasn't a Christian (bad Idea. bad bad idea). THANKFULLY, God ALWAYS prevails. I feel your pain. I'm glad to find other people who are in similar positions to feel along with. makes the lonely feel less lonely. THAT SAID, God as taught me LOT, like you, about taking advantage of this time to serve him in a way I can't otherwise - and it's beautiful.

    1. Hey girl. I tried commenting on your latest post. Not sure it went through. I'd love to email with you and encourage one another.


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